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by Peter Bakker and Joshua Nash
COVIDictionary 20: your go-to dictionary in times of Coronavirus and COVID-19
© Peter Bakker and Joshua Nash
|COVIDeology:||The idea to shut down the world in order to prevent that hospitals shut down.|
|(1) The process of closing down the world for no real and apparent reason.
(2) The process of opening up the world for no real and apparent reason after a lockdown.
(3) The process of taking no measures for no real and apparent reason.
|COVIDe:||The feeling of emptiness during lockdown.|
|COVIDiosity:||Curiosity about how a post-COVID world will look.|
|COVIDiocracy:||What democracy becomes during a pandemic.|
|COVIDocq:||French criminal and writer. Was sentenced to death and faked his own death. Exchanged prison life for life outside of prison. Wrote about prison reform. Where is he when we most need him?|
|COVIDeo:||Watching Netflix series with your roomie or family.|
|COVIDality:||The chance of surviving COVID once you are contaminated. Currently 85 % for people over 80 years old and 99,8 % for people under 50.|
|COVIDeoclip:||Government-produced visual warning about coronavirus.|
|COVItal organs:||See hands and lungs.|
|COVIDal Sassoon:||Wash and cut hair. You will have to do it yourself because your hairdresser is closed.|
|COV-syrup:||Use only with dry cough.|
|CODIVIDe et impera:||Suspend all freedoms and become a more popular leader.|
|COVIDamins:||Tiny organisms that enter your body via your mouth. Essential for life.|
|COVID Annan:||Late Ghanaian diplomat. Former world leader.|
|COVIt:||Masculine noun. Word not found in French dictionaries.|
|COVIDeogame:||What people play under lockdown.|
|COVIshop in Amsterdam:||Where you can buy things that move small particles into your lungs that have an effect on your mental and physical state.|
|COVID:||Roman poet. Wrote among other things Cars Camatoria (English translation: Cart of Clove).|
|COVID:||Roman poet. Most famous work Metamorphoses.|
|COVIDiom:||Agroup of viruses established by usage as having a meaning not deducible from those of the individual virus.|
|COVIDays:||Days in lockdown.|
|COVIDaze:||Daze in lockdown.|
|COVIDose:||An overdose on COVIDity and all things coronavirus.|
|CONVIDviality:||Being alone during a lockdown.|
|SID COVIDicious:||Punk star of the 1980s. Made unhealthy substances enter his body, and died of it.|
|COVIDious circle:||The continuous delaying of dates until one has reached the same date again a year later.|
|COVIDise:||To make COVID-like.|
|COVIDise:||Reproduction by small one-celled organisms. One reproduces on average to 1.5.|
|COVID Bubenik:||Canadian linguist. Specialized in language change. Tense.|
|COVIDctory:||When all this is over. See also Phyrric.|
|COVIDal Sassoon:||Shampoo. Don’t touch your face and head with your hands.|
|COVIDdish:||A minority dialect of English mixed with Yiddish.|
|COVIDialect:||Mainly spoken by COVIDiots, COVIDctims, and those who suffer from extreme COVIDity.|
|COVIDness:||The state of everything being closed by the state.|
|COVIDnesses:||People observing the state of everything being closed by the state.|
|COVIDditch:||Competition sports in which round objects play a role. Contestants have to avoid some of the small round objects, and others catch them. There are winners and losers.|
|COVIDsk:||the Danish variety of COVIDdish. Shares several phonological features with Jutlandic (jysk) and is often heard in the streets of Aarhus. Remember – if someone tells you, “ej, hvor snakker du da godt COVIDsk,’ then that means you don’t speak it well.|
|COVIDrine:||‘Strine – the Australian variety of COVIDdish. Notable lexical items include hypocoristic forms such as quazza (quarantine), [hand] sanny (hand sanitizer), COVID-o (drive through COVID testing station), and The ’Rona (coronavirus).|
|COVIDctim:||Someone who succumbs to COVID or COVIDity.|
|COVIDenier:||Someone who denies the existence of COVID.|
|Science COVIcDion:||Literature and films set in the future. Characterized by huge amounts of fantasy. Could be about, for instance, a virus spreading rapidly around the world.|
|COVIDeoteque:||Place where one could hire boxes with films. Now closed.|
|COVImachine:||Place where people gather to chat and gossip and get hot drinks. See also computer.|
|COVfefe:||Word accidentally written by a state leader still unaffected by flu or corona.|
|MonteCOVIDeo:||Big city in a small South American country. Or the other way around.|
|COVIDdle about:||Hit in the 1970s by the British band The Who. From the rockopera Tummy ache.|
|COVIDeo:||Killed the radio star.|
|COVIDENCE:||The belief that all this comes to an end.|
|COVENI, COVIDI, COVICI:||“I cocame, cosaw and coconquered”, famous slogan uttered by a successful virus when it swept the earth.|
|COVrIddle:||Riddle about lockdown measures being taken.|
|COVIddle:||Musical instrument, to be heard again when it is all over.|
|COVIDestruction:||The personal and economic destruction and trauma caused by COVID.|
|Joy COVIDivision:||Postpunk band from the early 1980s. Lead singer died before corona virus got hold of him. He would most certainly have got the virus had he been around in COVID times.|
|Arithmetic:||See multiplication and COVIDivision.|
|COVID artist:||Musician who plays outside old folk homes and hospitals to animate and celebrate the people in the building. Often plays the COVIDolin.|
|COVIDioglossia:||(1) Phenomenon of language invention by individuals during lockdown.
(2) The distinction between made-up words based on COVID vs those about coronavirus.
|COVIDiglossia:||Families confined to their house may speak different varieties of the same language.|
|COVI-Die-glossia:||Rapid death from trying to invent more than two funny words per day related to COVID.|
|COVI-latte:||Now we have no reason anymore to wait for hours in a queue because the posh customer in front of you wants a café-latte.|
|Weapons of mass destruction:||See COVID-19.|
|COVIDiolect:||Individual way of speaking, developed when locked in alone during an indeterminate period of time.|
|COVIDiotlect:||Precise and refined ways of speaking spoken only by COVIDiots. See COVIDiglossia and possibly COVI-Die-glossia.|
|COVIDel Castro:||Former state leader who obtained an exceptionally high age, and who passed on before corona reached his country.|
|COVIDel:||An infidel who does not believe in COVID.|
|COnVIDfinement:||You know what we are talking about.|
|COVIDicious:||Mean; said of the action by tiny organisms spreading through the air.|
|COVIDeracy:||(1) loose union of states against an invisible enemy. First experienced in early 2020 when all countries of the earth united against these tiny organisms.
(2) The ability to read, write, and spread COVIDdish. Speakers of COVIDsk in Denmark are currently developing a writing system. It’s a slow task because until now it has only been an oral language.
|COVIsionary:||(1) Politician who decides to lockdown a whole country.
(2) Politician who decides not to lockdown a whole country.
|Weapons of mass deception:||See COVID-19.|
|Eyes COVIDe shut:||Film about COVID casualties. Director Stanley COVIDbrick, starring Nicole COVIDman and Tom COVIDruise.|
|COVIDow(er):||Partner left behind by virus victim.|
|COVID 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17 and 18:||See Kellyanne Conway.|
|COVInDow:||Location from which to stare at your neighbor for months and months on end.|
|COVIDer up:||(1) Attempts by some state leaders to deny the seriousness of the coronavirus
(2) Attempts by some state leaders to exaggerate the effect of the coronavirus.
|COVERID-up:||Trying to get rid of something by making it invisible.|
|COVIDipedia:||Does not exist yet (but we’re working on it).|
|COVIDlewild:||Musical and film. Music by Covoutkast. About a Depression-era town. They were dancing a lot.|
|COVIDictatorship:||The effect that democratic state leaders experience when they shut down a country and get the support of 98 % of the population.|
|COVIDctuals:||Most necessary food items in case of a lockdown. Includes toilet paper.|
|COVIDsit:||Going to someone’s house and wave or sing from the outside.|
|COVIDick:||Old fashioned spelling of ‘COVIDic’ meaning ‘associated with COVID’|
|COVoID:||Being stuck in lockdown.|
|InCOnVIDience:||See COVID 19.|
|COVID artist:||See Con artist.|
|Weapons of mass disruption:||See COVID-19.|
|COVIDening:||Expanding or widening bans on free movement.|
|COWid virus:||A previous virus that led to an epidemic. Also called Mad Cov Disease.|
|COnVIcDED:||Governments’ demands to all non-criminals. For example, in “all people are COnVIcDED to stay at home.” Does not affect criminals, as they are locked up.|
|COnVIcDion:||The fact of officially being found guilty of no crime. Punishment: house arrest.|
|COVIDgin:||New simplified language formed through contact between speakers of Coronese and COVIDish. Severely endangered language.|
|COnVIcDion:||The firm belief that one is right. If in power, a person with a strong COnVIcDion can order thousands, if not millions of people to stay inside. The world record thus far was set in India with one billion people.|
|COVID LETTER:||Letter placed on playgrounds and workout areas that people are not allowed to play or workout.|
|COVIDamination:||The fear of being contaminated by a serious flu.|
|COVIDigue:||The feeling of being tired of all the talk about COVID.|
|COVIDtz:||Joke that goes viral.|
|COVADis:||The 2020 greeting meaning “How are you going?”.|
|Eric COVIDle:||English comedian in high risk group for COVID-19.|
|COVID Yakpo:||Former rapper and politician, now a polyglot linguist.|
|COVInDia:||Asian country where everyone moves constantly. Normally.|
|COVIDfefe:||No one knows what it is, but Google gives 2,6 million hits.|
|COVIDivision:||Split caused by different factions in countries about dealing with a virus.|
|COVID-i-tv:||Watching COVID-19 news on TV.|
|COwID:||A person scared of getting COVID.|
|COVID encephalitis:||Mad human disease. A common variant of bovine encephalitis virus (mad cow disease), which developed in early 2020 in most countries around the world.|
|COVIDct:||A criminal sent to Australia during the global pandemic to be put in jail.|
|COVID-o:||Drive through testing station in Australia to get tested for COVID (in the pattern ‘bottle-o’).|
|Worldwide concert planned for autumn 2020. Inspired by global LIVE-AID concert in 1985, against hunger in the world. Today, 14,121 people died of hunger. Today, 4,532 people died of COVID-19.|
|COVIDdict:||A person addicted to COVIDity and the endless stream of news about COVID-19.|
Cover picture drawn by Iris Bakker.
Peter Bakker is co-editor of Lingoblog.dk. He is contaminated with language nerdism. Few of his linguistic findings on language contact have gone viral.
Joshua Nash is sick and tired of COVID-19. Makes a living as a linguist at the University of New England, Australia. Born in Adelaide. Now lives in COVIDelaide.
Want more COVID-19 linguistic humor? Check out https://specgram.com/CLXXXVII.2/.